hehehe i am backkkkk

today is teachers' day celebration + x country.
celebration was like shit cause. we were practically wasting time. go sch for 2 hours of break = learn to sing some songs classmates composed. then uh was physics lecture and math. then they sang the song to mrs kwang. and then break half an hour. go class no teacher no celebration. almost sch end then the form teacher come. then we sing a bit take pics a bit then i left to find gang. we were all waiting for Gary. was damn pissed off cause we were suppose to go eat ban mian at tpy then they all fucking drag so in the end we walked and decide. fuck them -.- wanted to go lan and skip x country. so in the end we all went to x country instead HAHAHAH then uh the bus ride was super bumpy..... -.- and reached macritchie reservoir. was helper as i didn't wanted to run. and then uh camwhored all the way and yeap uh home at around 6.30? didn't join gary sufian and xavier for movie tho i heard they changed it to tmr..... HEHEHEH sister's birthday is like.2 days away wow lol

you know what, you could have just told me.



why must you always chose these ways to do this? can't you see i'm joking? i know no one could afford it

i want a Chanel necklace. have been thinking about it for a very long time.... but doubt anyone can afford buying it for me. what more my parents ......

so yeap think mum's going to have a fit when she transfers money to my acc. later. practically no more money left alr dieeeee

ok hmm so i guess life's been really bleak nowadays. especially these 2 weeks. it was full of ups and downs and i guess the only person who really understand how i feel is. MYSELF. these 2 weeks made me learn a lot. like. i can only trust myself to do things and i can only depend on myself. no one knows for sure what i am thinking of and what i want to do. its only me throughout the whole things. maybe the next person who really knows is Gary? thank you so much for listening to my crap and enduring all those vulgarities i scold on you. and all those insecure shit stuffs i send you.


ever since his birthday, things were so so between us. like finally. everyone was so glad we were on talking terms again. they all missed how we were like when we were talking to each other. my friends and classmates thinks we were made for each other. too bad the timing isn't right and too bad we are too stubborn. guess its just fate. i hoped/wished so much that we can be together but i guess its really not meant to be. this made me learn a lot. i thank him for giving me the chance learning the truth the hard way. motherfucking hard way. thanks for making me stronger though i cried in front of you. thanks for making me realize what kind of person you really are.

i felt life was bleak and i needed a shoulder to cry on. thank you Cheryl for holding me that day. even though it was fucking embarrassing to cry in a shopping mall. thank you for talking to me and comforting me. thank you Sarah Cherie Stella Janet Zik Farhan for making me realize he really isn't good enough for me. its never too late though it took such a long time.





so yeap at least i was happy on thursday. hehe talked to M wahahahaha ima happy girl i love the feeling of eye-candying someone again. esp when i used to eye-candy him and he thinks i am pretty HAHAAHH. i love the feeling of being able to be myself again. i felt so trapped when i am around him. everyone around me will know how carefree i was today when he isn't in school. i wasn't even hung up about the fact that he's not in sch kudos to myself. i feel so stress when i am around him. which is apparently. everyday single day. this will remain until the day the both of us can talk to each other freely. i hope real soon i don't want to be trapped anymore.

hi I am blogging through kw's itouch now lol
it's some survey shit fuck lame


listening to songs while the rest are talking. I feel so emo now my life so bleak I feel Like dying sighhhhh

I listen to mrs Kwang say abt math I feel so scared I really don't want to retain so badly :'(




ok I have had enough la I don't want to care about anything anymore. maybe abt M&N but no more S.
I swear this will be the last time I mention him

in less than 45 mins time it will be his 18th birthday.
i have yet decided on what to do. to buy him present or not to stay as friends or not to continue liking him or not.

today my mum came into my room and saw the Polaroid i took with him. she asked me if he was my boyfriend i wanted to say yes so badly but no. she told me better dont anyhow do things that i am not suppose to.

what am i going to do? thank you zik for listening to me and giving me advices. i like when he said " i hope one day a guy or a girl, in your case, will fully appreciate what you are doing"
so well said wanted to cry.
whatever he has done to me, whatever we have shared i don't know how to deal with it anymore. he's the guy that treated me the worst yet i liked the best. really, girls like guys who treat them bad. why is that so? 男人不坏女人不爱 its so true i guess. why can't i just like a good boy?


things between us are so complicated now i can't see where we are going to end up as. i guess its time to move on but everytime i mean it, he will do something nice to me and make me want to stay. i finally understand RJ. he asks so much of me, asking me to change this and that, and expecting me to live up to his standards. i am so sick of it. why isn't him changing? he claims he likes me but continue with his little crushes and whatnots its so fucking irritating.
zik also told me " i cant say if she has replaced you in his heart, but i can definitely say you are no longer in his heart." it hurts so bad for the truth to be out

i no longer feel anything i want to but i don't. i don't want to care about him anymore but i know i still will after a while. why is this killing me why?! i can't do anything why am i so weak why can't i stand up to myself?!

ok hmm i realised i havent post my long long post.
but yeah hahha i kind of forgotten what i was suppose to blog abt.


so updating with only my recent things tt i can rememeber.
hmmmmm uh uh uh i guess its official we haven't talk for 3 weeks. minus the random texts i get in the middle of the night.
and also. i guess its really time to move on i have enough of it. i know i said tt a lot of times. but yeah i guess its time. it just dawned onto me while talking to G on the phone yesterday. so yea its time. i know i should wait for his birthday on monday but urgh whatever!

hmm went to meet szy in the early afternoon to get my dvds back my father was throwing a fit. had to run all the way back home then rush out again to go vivo! met cheryl ha for once i am early. by 2 mins LOL kkk so we went st.james flea fuck nice i swear.first time possible to try clothes somemore. i finally bought maxis tt i wanted for so long heh 2 maxis 1 jumpsuit 1 sundress 1 bag. total: $68
totally love fleas! regretted not buying quite a lot though lol cause at the end i had no more money and we were both damn tired lol h8 cheryl now she bought stuffs i liked urghhh nvm next time kop from her HAHHAAH freaking jealous of her legs i swear lend her my heels she look like a fucking model :< and i look fat and stubby beside her. ok i bet G will say SO TRUE. -.-

kkk then went to esplanade to meet eugene renhao and xavier! got my 8 days mag tt my mum needed it so badly -.- went home while the rest went to buy gene's cord thingy for his bass. mum and dad totally had no idea i went shopping i just told them ima get the mag HA HOW GENIUS CAN I GET. lol

my babygirl came to sch w me on fridayy was late for physics test cause she wore my uni and i forgot take test must wear uniform -.- anyway also cannot really do the questions. like fucking fail only i swear. then break all the way till lik 11.40. skipped pe cause it was running hahahah
math fuck fail tst by 1 mark i am so angry at myself :'(
break = talk w babyg, renhao xavier eugene gary haaziq cheri cheryl stella
totally never study sigh so damn wasted.
had chem urgh he's adding 1 hour extra lesson for every friday now. my shortest day is no longer shortest WTS! went macs to eat after sch and homeeeee





yeap so. should i go anything for his birthday?

ok i hereby announce shee sha kills me.
walao eh never thought shee sha can cause me headache freaking smoke too fast.

kkkk so today we went sheesha again!!! was in school doing pw till about 2.30? then ljs with zik and then homeeeee! rushed through my gp essay in 20 mins i swear i damn power HAHAHHA.
suppose to meet them at 5.30 but ended up i was late reached only at 6.15. haven't even leave the house at 5.30 LOL so yeap eugene complain lo first thing see him he niam at me -.-
go eat shit la he keep niam niam niam suan suan suan damn URGHHHHHHH!
so we went shopping while eugene and xavier eat. went muji againnnn bought some more pens. damn nice to use. we girls went toilet make up talk talk rh w8 until sian alr HAHAHAHA.
went sheesha after tt. freaking on we ordered 2 at one go. mint and peach. shiooookkkkkkk.
some guy just randomly ask us when we walked by and lol we went upstairs. dark+noisy+ full of ppl. but fun la those angmohs beside us. WOW hot and chio!!!! i swear the guys WAH MELT!

sheesha abt 2 hours? talked smoked hehe i got pack alr eugene give me lol! ice blast somemore! kkkk then left about 9? walked talked somemore. rha nd C so cute tgt i swear. sighhhhhhh


kkkkk eugene lend me his hoodie! new one somemore lol the design damn cute!!! sian tmr must bring return. HEAVY AH WL damn thick that thing!



ok lol record time sia go out come home in less than 4 hours SHIOK. think my dad don't even know can! but kind of regret not going east coast eat chili crab with them...... T.T my chili crab!!!!!!!!

ok hai this is not the long post. just thought of some things and wanted to blog


yeap so hmmm uh there was one time when i was talking to 4 ppl at a time. gary on house phone sarah on handphone. then right after sarah hang up have to call szy.
then farhan called after szy HEHEHE all the while talking to sufian on msn too. i am such a good multi tasker

ok and i realised my hair ishszhzhsh LONG. and szy just called me a retard wtf fuck her.


kk so after the sports day or track and meet shit. we rodney cheerleaders are being branded as RODNEY SLUTS. wtf man seriously these ppl have no life talking about us on twitter. think we stupid dumb don't know anything? wtf can. its like their whole life evolves around YJC only fucking dumb ppl i swear. no fucking social life.
fuck you all bitches and sluts and himbos.


so hmm uh went to watch the last airbender with the cheerleaders at np on friday after national day celebration. its not even a celebration la fucking lame only. the only fun part was the army ppl from 24th artillery came. wow one guy damnnnnn cutttteeeeeeee i swear. welson! see i even know his name hehehe
but wa damn cute i swear lo.
so yeap after the celebration+ walk walk went find cherie cheryl the rest nv come sch.
cherie helped me did my gp hw HEHEHE i was slacking all the way i swear. from 9plus till 11plus we just did nth but sit and talk.
then uh sarah came handed up gp and we went to np.
some things happened i am too lazy to type screw those fucking bitches lesbian and ugly duckling and chinese opera singer.
met stella janet and then went jap food court eat. dunros zik came. then janet went buy polaroid. then uh find matt CK and guozhang at manhattan. then meet john janson at the movie theatre.

it was nice la i think very cool but the ppl who watched the cartoon all say not nice as compared to the cartoon.


hmm then after tt we talked slacked a bit then went to amk hub to buy my shoeeeee hehee happy girl i used to hate high cut shoes now i love them lol.
its damn nice shopping with them i swearrrrr :}}}}
then uh guys wanted to go lan. found one but the uncles damn gl dont want let us in. so we walked talked and chatted then home around 7?


met C C S S again yesterday (cherie cheryl stella sarah). met at bugis. wow i swear i damn long nv go there alr. then uh fuck stella la wl meet 6 she 8 then come! so while w8ing for her we went shopping. topshop dorathy perkins muji. bought some stuffs and finally she and bf came. went sheesha after tt. fucking parents called so i had to leave home. dunros and john came after i left :(
heheh i love the girls

hithere's been a lack of updates i swear i will get it down soon but i am soooo busy now with pw with schoolwork with love hate relationships with track and meet cheerleading (one down!)

so yeappp expect a long post soon!